COMMONWRITINGSTYLEPROBLEMSWHENWRITINGSCHOLARLYEXPOSITORYESSAYS.docx

COMMON WRITING STYLE PROBLEMS WHEN WRITING SCHOLARLY EXPOSITORY ESSAYS

CONTENTS 
Note: items under sections III through XII are rubrics. 
I. Introduction 
II. Objectives 
III. Thesis, and Paragraph and Sentence Structure and Logic 
IV. Pronouns  
V. Subjects and Verbs 
VI. Quotation Marks 
VII. Semicolons 
VIII. Commas
IX. Numbers 
X. Odds and Ends 
XI. Possessives 
XII. Miscellanea
For a little humor, see ”

,” by Weird Al Yankovic. (Let me know if the link no longer works or if YouTube takes down the site.)

I. INTRODUCTION    

A scholarly expository essay presents an argument, a thesis that is your interpretation of a topic. It develops an idea about a subject, building from a thesis statement that advances in a coherent, logical manner your opinion, conviction, evaluation, discovery, or point of view on a subject. An expository essay is similar to an editorial debate in The New York Times or the Wall Street Journal but only more high-powered and scholarly. See also the Expository Essay guide in the Work on Your Expository Essay module.
An argument, a critical analytical interpretation, is neither a violent disagreement nor an assertion. It is a statement supported by reason and evidence.
A thesis is an argument, and a thesis statement supplies an opinion and a reason or explanation for that opinion.

Discuss both your ideas AND your opponents’ viewpoint(s) on your topic. Your argument in a scholarly expository essay must explore various sides of the topic. You cannot be one-sided in your scholarly expository essay.

            For example, you favor abortion. In your essay, you must, however, present the anti-abortion side along with the pro-abortion side.

II. OBJECTIVES

Entries #1 through #38 are from the third edition of Writing Worth Reading (1997) by Nancy Huddleston Packer and John Timpane. Writing Worth Reading is the writing style and grammar authority that the instructor follows. Entries #39 through #45 are culled from other writing style manuals.

For writing informative and expository essays, students must learn to avoid the problems discussed under entries #5, #6, #7, #11, #12, #22, #23, #26 through #36, and #39 through #45.

Computer spell/grammar check software programs are not foolproof. 
Unless stated otherwise, one point is deducted for at least one occurrence of a problem identified by the item number in the expository essay.
Use this guide along with both the Expository Essay and Endnotes guides. All three guides are located in the same module.

Caveat on quoted passages in your essay: Many of the following rules regarding writing style problems are ignored when they appear within quoted passages. If you want to indicate a correction or the correction information then one common way to rectify glaring writing style problems that appear within quoted passages is to supply the change within square brackets.
· :  Mary Jane said, “Everyone has their opinion of whether Spiderman is a good guy.”
· :  Mary Jane said, “Everyone has their [sic] opinion of whether Spiderman is a good guy.”
· :  Mary Jane said, “Everyone has [her or his] opinion of whether Spiderman is a good guy.”

.

III. THESIS, AND PARAGRAPH AND SENTENCE STRUCTURE, AND LOGIC 

1. A scholarly expository essay has a thesis statement supported or proven with logic and evidence. An argument does not mean an angry, insulting debate with someone with whom the writer disagrees.

. It expresses a viewpoint on a debatable issue about which intelligent, well-meaning people may disagree. A thesis statement forces the writer to explore various sides of the topic, including those of her or his opponents. It also informs the reader what to expect in the essay. The writer’s job is to convince readers that her or his point of view is worth taking seriously.
            Remember, for this course, the thesis statement must be rooted in historical or sociological reality and rigorous logic; the thesis is not an opportunity to prove a hypothetical or engage in fantasy.

: your thought on your chosen topic and your key reason to explain why you hold that thought. The idea in one element must reflect or reinforce the same or similar idea in the other element. Make certain that your thesis statement is clear, unambiguous, concise, and precise.
            This course relies heavily on history, sociology, and related disciplines that stress the idea of a thesis statement as one sentence. While courses in other disciplines allow for a two-sentence thesis, this course accepts only a one-sentence thesis statement.

. An assertion is a sentence that lacks an explanation or reason; it gives the reader nothing of substance to think about the topic.
Sometimes essay writers do not write the thesis statement until they finished writing the first or second rough draft of their essays when they know what they want to advance as an argument.  A thesis statement takes time to construct.
Make the thesis statement the last sentence in its paragraph.

. A thesis statement paragraph provides the context for the thesis statement. The thesis statement paragraph is comprised of thematic sentences that support and logically flow toward the thesis statement. A thematic sentence presents a main idea that connects to or relates closely to the thesis statement and that explores in detail in the body of the essay. If some or all of the sentences in the thesis statement paragraph have nothing to do with the thesis statement, then a serious writing problem exists.
Make the thesis statement paragraph the first or second paragraph of a scholarly expository essay.
A good way to test your thesis statement is to ask the question “Why?” Keep asking “Why.” Even ask “why” to your “why” questions until you reach the essence of what you want to prove or argue.

.
NOTE: The following thesis statements are not in context of their thesis stateent paragraphs. What looks like a good thesis statement may be an assertion if the thesis statement paragraph has irrelevant sentences. Look at the examples to get a “feel” for a thesis. Do not use an example as a template for creating your statement.
· : Americans must not allow the president to wage covert wars.
· : If Americans allow the president to wage covert wars, then they sacrifice the very basis of the Constitution. 
· : Americans cannot allow their government to wage covert wars as long as they believe that an open, responsive government is the key to maintain a democracy.
· : Americans must maintain a moral life.
· : Americans must live a moral life rooted in religious principles if they believe that liberty, equality, and democracy are the bedrock of a moral society, thus rooted in religious values.
· : Nationalism became a very important force during the late eighteenth century when a very clear shift occurred from individualism and private property rights to concerns over a national identity and a nation’s future.
· : In the Western world, nationalism emerged as a powerful force that bound all citizens of a nation when people valued social unity of their nation over individualism.
· : Through his hilarious subversion and exploitation of stereotypes, racism, clichés, and sexism, Dave Chappelle has proven to be the greatest black comedian of our time.
· : A great comedian is one who can make audiences step outside their comfort zones and laugh, and Dave Chappelle proves to be a great capable of making Americans of all races comfortable laughing at and openly talking about the absurdity of racism, racial stereotypes and clichés, and sexism.

2. Streamline your sentences. Keep sentences to one idea. This rule also helps to avoid run-on sentences. Much verbiage or redundancy = See the Expository Essay Guide.
· : Thomas Edison was the original inventor of the electric light bulb.
· : Thomas Edison invented the light bulb.

3. Ideally, the subject of all sentences in a paragraph must be the same or similar to the subject in the first (topic) sentence of the paragraph. All the sentences in the paragraph, however, must reflect the idea conveyed in the first (topic) sentence of the paragraph.

4. The topic sentence of a paragraph either connects to a theme that supports the thesis statement or introduces a single topic or idea in its paragraph. A good topic sentence does both.

IV. PRONOUNS

5. Avoid problems of pronoun-antecedent agreement. A pronoun must agree in person, number, and gender with its antecedent. A pronoun referring to a collective noun (for example, “audience,” “committee,” or a name of an organization) is singular when the emphasis is on the group as a whole. Pronoun-antecedent problems = 5 points deducted.
· : The Society of Friends will make their announcement tomorrow.
· : The Society of Friends will make its announcement tomorrow.
· : Once someone takes it on their own to worship in their own way, they tend to rely on the church less for guidance and attend church less, leading to a cut off from the church community as a whole.
· : After making the decision to worship in one’s own way, he or she tends to rely less on the church for guidance and for a community of fellowship.
· Problem: Despite their failed efforts, the United States has not settled for trying to liberate or aid solely Africa. 
· : Despite its failed efforts, the United States has not settled for trying to liberate or aid solely Africa.
· : Realistically speaking, everyone has their own viewpoint of how they place themselves in the racial spectrum.
· : Realistically speaking, everyone has a viewpoint of how to place oneself in the racial spectrum.
· : Realistically speaking, individuals have their own viewpoints of how they place themselves in the racial spectrum.
· : Realistically speaking, everyone has her or his own viewpoint of how to place oneself in the racial spectrum.

6. Avoid problems of pronoun reference. The pronoun must refer clearly and accurately to its antecedent.  The antecedent is either in the same sentence with the pronoun or in the previous sentence. If the pronoun is too far from its antecedent, then use a noun or its substitute instead of the pronoun. Problems of pronoun reference commonly occur when one uses “it,” “that,” “these,” “they,” “this,” and “those,” especially at the beginning of a sentence or clause. 
· : Essentially, the removal of the more blatant forms of American apartheid has made it too easy for too many to believe today that all forms of discrimination have disappeared. [In this example, does “it” refer to “removal,” “apartheid,” or something else?]
· : Many Americans now think that all forms of racial discrimination ceased to exist after the dismantling of American apartheid in the 1960s.
· : Studying parental attitudes versus their child’s attitudes will give us a more detailed look at the actual progress society is making toward equality.
· : One gains a detailed look at how society is striving toward equality from studying the attitudes of parents and their children.

7. Unless writing an autobiographical essay or quoting passages, avoid using “I,” “me,” “my,” “we,” “us,” “our,” “you,” “myself,” “yourself,” “ourselves,” “mine”, “yours” and other first and second person pronouns.  Find other ways to write without relying on such pronouns.  Let your presentation or narrative speak for you.  Improper use of first or second person pronouns = 4 points deducted.
· : I focused on prejudice in my essay.
· : This essay focuses on prejudice.
· : I know for a fact that racism still exists in schools because I have seen it first hand.
· : This essayist knows that racism still exists in schools because she has seen it first hand.
· : Racism still exists in schools because this essayist has seen it first hand.

·

·

·

V. SUBJECTS AND VERBS

10. Watch for subject-verb agreement. Singular subject takes singular verb; plural subject agrees with plural verb. Often an organization or a nation takes a singular verb.
· : The United States are a superpower.
· : The United States is a superpower.

11. Avoid using “there” as a subject, e.g. “there is,” “there are,” “there was,” “there were,” “there has.” A “there-verb” form is an expletive (filler).  Use of the “there” expletive = 5 points deducted.
· : There were occasions when there was governmental agreement to intervene in currency markets and to intervene in a coordinated manner. There was some concerted intervention after January 31 and last week.
· : On occasion, the government agreed to intervene in currency markets in a coordinated manner. Some concerted intervention occurred after January 31 and last week.

12. Avoid using “it” as a subject without an antecedent.  Such an “it-verb” form is an expletive (filler). Use of the “it” expletive = 3 points deducted.
· : Even if it were true that you and your mate enjoy a perfect marriage, it would still be just as true that, if certain sociologists are to be believed, there are 125,000 other possible mates who would suit you just as well.
· : Even if you and your mate enjoy a perfect marriage, certain sociologists claim that 125,000 other possible mates would suit you just as well.
· : Some, however, may argue a different point of view, declaring that it is actually the acts of homosexual people that are the root cause of homophobia and the massive amount of discrimination against homosexuals.
· : Some, however, declare that the actions of homosexuals are the root cause of homophobia and heterosexist discrimination.

13. Make people or other agents of action the subject of a sentence or the center of action in the sentence. This problem often accompanies problem #14.
· : Renouncing a former state to obtain real existence is an adjustment requiring understanding of what is seen, comprehending its causes, and coping with it.
· : In to renounce their former state and improve themselves, clients must understand how they perceive the world, why they perceive it that way, and how they can cope with it.
· : Clients need to renounce their former condition and improve themselves in to understand how they perceive the world, why they perceive it that way, and how they can cope with it.

14. Minimize using passive voice “to be” verbs “is,” “are,” “was,” and “were.” Instead, use active voice as often as possible. This problem often accompanies problem #13.
· : “The states were in a position of anarchy against the national government.”
· : “The states defied the national government.”
· : Thomas Edison was the original inventor of the electric light bulb.
· : Thomas Edison invented the light bulb.

15. Avoid verb contractions.
· : They weren’t any different from their neighbors.
· : They were not different from their neighbors.
· : They’re almost like a family to their neighbors.
· : They are almost like a family to their neighbors.

16. Avoid using “could,” “may,” “might,” “should,” and “would.”  Especially avoid using these verbs when describing what people said, wrote, or did in the past.  Such verbs, especially in the subjunctive mood, connote doubt, vagueness, iffiness or other references to contingent or hypothetical action.  Since such verbs raise doubt or wishy-washy sentiments, .  

17. Use the appropriate verb tense. Especially use the past tense when describing what people said, wrote, or did in the past.

VI. QUOTATION MARKS

18. In American English, the period and comma always appear inside quotation marks.
· : “Nowadays, because break dancing and graffiti are not as ‘prominent’, the names Hip-Hop and Rap have been used interchangeably”.
· : “Nowadays, because break dancing and graffiti are not as ‘prominent,’ the terms Hip-Hop and Rap have been used interchangeably.”

19. Colons and semicolons fall outside quotation marks.
· : “Rap is merely the music;” Hip-hop is the life.
· : “Rap is merely the music”; Hip-hop is the life.

20. Place a question mark or an exclamation point inside quotation marks if it is part of the quotation. Place the question mark or exclamation point outside if it is not part of the quotation.
· :  Many people remember Malcolm X for his famous “By any means necessary”!  But does anyone recall his statement, “The United States hadn’t colonized the African continent, it had colonized 22 million blacks here on this continent?”
· : Many people remember Malcolm X for his famous statement “By any means necessary!” But does anyone recall him saying, “The United States hadn’t colonized the African continent, it had colonized 22 million blacks here on this continent”?

21. For a quotation within a quotation, use single quotation marks.
· : “Nowadays, because break dancing and graffiti are not as “prominent,” the names Hip-Hop and Rap have been used interchangeably.”
· : “Nowadays, because break dancing and graffiti are not as ‘prominent,’ the names Hip-Hop and Rap have been used interchangeably.”

VII. SEMICOLON

22. Use a semicolon to indicate a close connection between two independent clauses that are not connected by the coordinating conjunction “and,” “but,” or “for.”
· : Racism is really about power, it is an ideology of power issues and supporting white supremacy.
· : Racism is really about power; it is an ideology of power issues supporting white supremacy.

VIII. COMMA

23. Use a comma before a coordinating conjunction that connects two independent clauses, that is, before the “and,” “but, “for,” “nor,” “or,” and “yet” in a compound sentence.
· : At first African Americans in Hoxie, Arkansas, believed desegregation was a good thing but after their lives were threatened, many of them began asking if re-segregating themselves was really a bad thing.
· : At first African Americans in Hoxie, Arkansas, believed desegregation was a good thing, but after their lives were threatened, many of them began asking if re-segregating themselves was really a bad thing.

24. Use a comma to set off an initial long phrase or dependent clause from the main part of the sentence.
· : As the country is growing and changing old prejudices and hatred are finally being buried.
· : As the country is growing and changing, old prejudices and hatred are finally being buried.

25. Use commas to tell the reader whether information is or is not essential to the meaning of the sentence.
· : This illustrates the idea that tolerance of all races especially African Americans is at the highest it has ever been.
· : This illustrates the idea that tolerance of all races, especially African Americans, is the highest it has ever been.

26. Use a pair of commas to separate a title, for example, “Jr.,” “M.D.,” “Ph.D.,” “Inc.,” and “Ltd.,” from the rest of the sentence.
· : Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated in April 1968.
· : Martin Luther King, Jr., was assassinated in April 1968.

27. Use commas to set off day and year. Do not use commas to set off only the month and year.
· : On December 7, 1941 the Imperial Japanese Air Force bombed Pearl Harbor, and the war ended officially in September 1945.
· : On December 7, 1941, the Imperial Japanese Air Force bombed Pearl Harbor, and the war ended officially in September 1945.

28. Use commas after both city and state (and also city and nation).
· : Every year Aunt Hepzibah leaves her boardinghouse in Bent Twig, Wyoming to visit Harry.
· : Every year Aunt Hepzibah leaves her boardinghouse in Bent Twig, Wyoming, to visit Harry.
· : Wards seven and eight in Washington D.C. are the poorest in the city.
· : Wards seven and eight in Washington, D.C., are the poorest in the city.

IX. NUMBERS:

29. Spell out digits and figures of one or two words for nonscientific writing, except for dates (year; month and year; month, date, and year), page numbers, and divisions of books and scores. Definitely spell out whole numbers from one through one hundred and fractions. For other numbers, numerals are used. Percents in the form of whole numbers are best expressed with the numeral followed by the word percent or the symbol for percent, but be consistent, either use the word percent or the percent symbol.
            Since numerous exceptions and special cases exist for numbers and consistency and readability are important, check first with your instructor and/or writing style manuals.
· : Last Saturday, 10 students demonstrated at Beaver Stadium, and 200 police officers arrested them.
· : Last Saturday, ten students demonstrated at Beaver Stadium, and two hundred police officers arrested them.
· : 8 grams of fat in this casserole contain 160 calories.
· : Eight grams of fat in this casserole contain 160 calories.
· : Many people think that the late 1700s and the 19th century were bloody eras, but the 20th century has been the most violent era to date in world history.
· : Many scholars think that the late eighteenth and the nineteenth centuries were bloody eras, but the twentieth century has been the most violent era to date in world history.
· : You need 1/3 cup of sugar, 1/8 tsp of salt, and 4 3/4 cups of flour.
· : You need one-third cup of sugar, one-eighth tsp of salt, and four and three-fourth cups of flour.

30. For nonscientific essays, spell out a number if it appears as the first item of a sentence.
· : 234 women and 125 men marched in a “Take Back the Night” demonstration.
· : Two hundred thirty four women and 125 men marched in a “Take Back the Night” demonstration.

X. ODDS AND ENDS

31. Avoid using “a lot,” “a lot of,” “lots of,” or “lots” because they are colloquialisms for an expository essay. Use “many,” “most,” “much,” and similar terms. Use of “a lot,” “a lot of,” “lots of,” or “lots” = 5 points deducted.
· :  Students have lots of complaints about writing scholarly expository essays.
· : Students have numerous complaints about writing scholarly expository essays.

32. Place “however” next or near to the verb. However means “in spite of,” “no matter,” or “in whatever manner or way.”
· “However” does not substitute for “but” because the term, “however,” stresses the thought that immediately precedes it while the term, “but,” stresses the thought that immediately follows it.
· Avoid starting a sentence or a clause with “however” if you mean “but.” Unless you know exactly what you are saying, avoid starting a sentence or a clause with “however.” 
· All writing styles approve of starting a sentence or a clause with “but.”   
· : However, we are opposed to the United States going to a war against Iran.
· : We oppose, however, the United States waging a war against Iran.
· : But we oppose the United States waging a war against Iran.
· : Many people think interracial dating is fine; however, many of them do not want to date people of another race.
· : Many people think interracial dating is fine; many of them, however, do not want to date people of another race.
· : Many people think interracial dating is fine, but many of them do not want to date people of another race.

33. Avoid using “due to” as a preposition because, depending on usage, the term, “due,” is an adjective, a noun, or a verb, never a preposition. Use “because of” or other substitutes. Use of “due to” = 5 points deducted.
· : Network executives canceled the show due to technical difficulties.
· : Network executives canceled the show because of technical difficulties.

XI. POSSESSIVES

34. To form the possessive of a singular noun or indefinite pronoun, add an apostrophe followed by an “s.”
· Examples: Lincoln’s beard, Amos’s bee sting, the business’s employees

35. To form the possessive of a plural noun not ending in –s, add an apostrophe followed by an “s.”
· Examples: children’s laughter, the women’s glee club, people’s understanding of birds

36. To form the possessive of a plural noun ending in “s,” add an apostrophe.
· Example: the girls’ rifle club

37. To form the possessive of a noun composed of several words, add the “‘s” (apostrophe, s) only to the last word.
· Example:  my brother-in-law’s haircut

38. “Its” is the possessive of “it.” The possessive form of it does not have an apostrophe.  With an apostrophe, it’s means “it is” or “it has.” Misuse of the possessive for it = 5 points deducted.

XII. MISCELLANEA

39. For easily confused words, which word do you mean to write?  Use of wrong words = 5 points deducted.
· For example: “there” or “their”; “bare” or “bear”; “than” or “then”; “to,” “too,” or two”; “were” or “where”

40. Spell out names of nations and states in the body of the essay.  If necessary, substitute a noun if spelling out the name of a nation and state means an awkward sentence.     
EXCEPTIONS:
Do not spell out “D.C.” in Washington, D.C. 
Keep the abbreviation if it is part of an organization’s name.
· : The history of the U.S. has been one of contradictions.
· : The history of the United States has been one of contradictions.
· Even a better correction: The history of America has been one of contradictions.
· Exception: The U.S. Supreme Court voted five to four in favor of Republican Party candidate George W. Bush in the 2000 presidential election.
· Exception: Some people argue that the Illuminati control the U.S. Congress.
· Exception: The White House and the Capitol are located in Washington, D.C., the capital of the United States.

41. Spell out initials (of organizations, institutions, concepts, and so forth) when first mentioned in the essay.
· : Some people argue that the Illuminati within the U.S. government control the CIA and the CFR. They think the Illuminati have been using the CIA and the CFR to achieve world domination.
· : Some people argue that the Illuminati within the U.S. government control the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and the Council on Foreign Relations (CFR). They think the Illuminati have been using the CIA and the CFR to achieve world domination. (The second sentence could read: They think the Illuminati have been using these two organizations to achieve world domination.)
· : Some people argue that the Illuminati within the U.S. government control the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) and the CFR (Council on Foreign Relations). They think the Illuminati have been using the CIA and the CFR to achieve world domination. (The second sentence could read: They think the Illuminati have been using these two organizations to achieve world domination.)
· : Mary McFadden attends Penn State.
· : Mary McFadden attends Pennsylvania State University.

42. Minimize in the essay the number of times a dependent clause begins a sentence.  This item is similar to item #13. 
· : With the increase in the number of women in the labor force and dual earning couples, issues and conflicts have been brought forth.
· : Issues and conflicts arose with the increase in the number of women and dual-earning couples in the labor force. 
· : Because work and family are seen as greedy institutions and because individual resources of time and energy are viewed as fixed, conflict is seen as inevitable.
· : Conflict seems inevitable because work and family are greedy institutions and because time and energy are fixed resources.

43. Use a person’s full when first mentioned in the essay. Refer to an individual’s full name (or surname when the full name is unknown), not her or his first name, when the individual is first mentioned in the essay. Use the person’s surname or full name subsequent times after first mentioning that person by full name.
· : Ludwig von Beethoven is considered to be one of the most influential composers of …

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